If you live in England, Scotland or Wales you can access urgent help for mental health by calling NHS
On this page you will find information about:
- How to find support during a divorce, separation, or relationship breakdown.
- How to access financial support.
- Guidance and support for yourself or someone else.
The end of a relationship can be a very stressful and isolating time for anyone, let alone those within the Armed Forces Community. It is important to remember that you are not alone and there is support available to help you through this period.
The advice on this page is for everyone in the Armed Forces Community including partners of currently serving and ex-service personnel.
People in the Armed Forces Community face added issues such as entitlement to accommodation and eligibility for allowances when a relationship comes to an end. The information listed below can help you with some of these life events.
Support from the services for currently service personnel, spouses, and partners
The Families Federations of the three services have specific guidance for members of the community going through a separation or divorce.
Support from the Ministry of Defence (MOD) for currently service personnel, spouses, and partners
The MOD has put together a guide for military personnel, spouses, and partners to access support and information that may be useful to them when a relationship comes to an end.
The GOV.UK guide contains information about:
Finding support
It can be hard to know where to look when trying to find support for yourself or on behalf of someone else. To continue our support of the Armed Forces Community we have collated the guidance below.
Your relationship and wellbeing
Applying for a divorce or dissolution
If you need to begin the process of applying for a divorce or dissolution or need advice on certain parts of the process, Citizens Advice has guidance available. Their online guide discusses topics such as visas, costs, how to apply, serving papers, and more.
Read the Citizens Advice guide to getting a divorce or ending your civil partnership.
Relationship support
Home-Start
Home-Start is a network of trained volunteers who support people and relationships in the UK, including the Armed Forces community.
Through its Forces Families Programme, the charity works with British Forces families in bases, garrisons, and barracks across the UK and in Cyprus. The charity provides support during times of increased anxiety such as rebasing, deployment and transition.
Learn more about the support that Home-Start offers to the Armed Forces Community on their website.
Home-Start can offer relationship support with:
- parental mental health
- perinatal issues
- isolation
- money issues
- disability and illness
- relationship ends, and
- twins, triplets, and multiple children.
Use the Home-Start online search tool to find your nearest hub to access support.
Get in touch
If you are having trouble finding your nearest Home-Start you can contact the team via:
Home-Start UK
Telephone: 01164 645 490
Email: [email protected]
Home Start Northern Ireland
Email: [email protected]
Scotland
Telephone: 01312 810 879
Email: [email protected]
Home Start Cymru
Email: [email protected]
British Forces Cyprus
Dhekelia Garrison Telephone: 00357 2474 4802
Episkopi Garrison Telephone: 00357 2596 3748
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a mental wellbeing organisation that wants to be there for you no matter what you’re going through, no problem is too big or too small. While the charity particularly works for suicide prevention, they know that there can be many steps that lead up to these crisis moments. The team at CALM are here to help you with whatever you are facing, including relationship breakdown.
Relate and Relationship Scotland
Relate and Relationship Scotland are charities that offer relationship support. Their services include relationship counselling for individuals and couples, family counselling, mediation, children and young people's counselling, and sex therapy.
Additionally, the charities provide friendly and informal workshops for people at important stages in their relationships. Their online relationship help pages offer practical tips, guides and videos to help manage common relationship issues.
Read advice for those going through a separation or divorce on the Relate website.
Get in touch
Relate has local centres across the UK. The charity's online map tool can be used to find the closest centre to you.
This tool enables you to filter your search to find locations that are wheelchair accessible. Once you select a centre, their site will provide you with its relevant email address, phone number and physical address.
Find your nearest Relate centre using the online map tool.
Visit Relationship Scotland website to find out more, or
Telephone: 03451 192 020
Domestic abuse
Domestic abuse is a crime and is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.
Domestic abuse can take many forms and can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender identity, sex, background, religion, sexual orientation, or ethnicity. Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence.
Get in touch
Visit the National Domestic Abuse Helpline website to chat online, or
Telephone: 08082 000 247
The service is available for free, in confidence, 24 hours a day.
Fill in a contact form to request a call back from the Helpline team
The service is available 10am to 6pm, Monday to Friday.
Visit the Respect - Men’s Advice line website to chat online, or
Telephone: 08088 010 327
The service is available 10am to 5pm, Monday to Friday. Free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK. Your call will not appear on itemised bills. You can also call free from BT pay phones.
Email: [email protected]
The service is available 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.
Support from the Royal British Legion
The Royal British Legion can offer support to those who are serving and are experiencing domestic violence. They can phone the RBL and ask for support and they will be allocated to a case officer in one of the welfare teams. There they will explain the different options of support.
To find out more about the support the RBL could offer you, contact us via:
Telephone: 0808 802 8080
Telephone overseas: +44 (0)20 3376 8080
Calls are free from UK landlines and main mobile networks
Email: [email protected]
Our team is available from 8am to 8pm, seven days a week.
Mental health and wellbeing
Contact NHS 111 using text relay, BSL, or in a different language.
A separation or divorce can have strong effects on someone's mental health and wellbeing. You, your ex-partner, or your family may struggle and need support during and after the separation period.
Your mental health is as important as your physical health. You will not be wasting anyone's time when reaching out for support.
Learn more about mental health and wellbeing on the RBL Knowledge Base website.
Get in touch
The NHS provides a free 24-hour mental health helpline for people of all ages.
The service can provide:
- 24-hour advice and support for you, your child, your parent, or someone you care for
- help speaking to a mental health professional, or
- an assessment to find the right care for you.
Find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline on the NHS website.
Talking therapies
Also known as psychological therapies, these confidential treatments are delivered by NHS practitioners.
Talking therapies can help with mental health and wellbeing issues such as:
- depression
- generalized anxiety
- social anxiety
- panic and agoraphobia
- other phobias
- obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), and
- body dysmorphic disorder.
Learn more about the NHS Talking Therapies service on the NHS website.
The free NHS service is available in person, over the phone, by video or as an online course.
You can refer yourself directly to the NHS talking therapies service or your GP can refer you. You do need to be registered with a GP to access the service.
Refer yourself through the NHS website
If you are not currently registered with a GP and would like to be you can find out how using the link below.
Find out how to register with an NHS GP surgery on the RBL Knowledge Base website.
Every Mind Matters
Every Mind Matters is a collection of online NHS expert advice. If you are waiting for an assessment or your therapy to start, the Every Mind Matters website may be able to provide you with some helpful tips and guidance to get by in the meantime.
Visit the Every Mind Matters website to find out more about:
If you are unsure where to start, taking the Every Mind Matters Mind Plan quiz may be a good place to begin. The quiz will give you a personalised mental health plan containing tips and advice to help you look after your mental health and wellbeing.
Take the Every Mind Matters Mind Plan Quiz on their website.
Support from The Ripple Pond
The Ripple Pond is a charity that supports adult family members of people who are physically or psychologically affected by their time in the Armed Forces. They believe in Chosen Family, and will support anyone over the age of 18 including partners, siblings, parents, friends and carers.
The Ripple Pond supports people through:
The Ripple Pond is a charity that supports adult family members of people who are physically or psychologically affected by their time in the Armed Forces. They believe in Chosen Family, and will support anyone over the age of 18 including partners, siblings, parents, friends and carers.
The Ripple Pond supports people through:
- Specialist one to one sessions.
- Peer support groups, including 14 different regional chats.
- Talks and events.
- Employment Support.
- Signposting.
Complete their online application form to become a member and receive support from The Ripple Pond.
Where to call in case of a housing emergency?
Housing
Service accommodation
If you are unsure of how your separation affects your rights to live in Service Family Accommodation (SFA), GOV.UK have detailed guidance to support you.
Find out more about your rights to SFA on the GOV.UK website.
Service Family Accommodation have a dedicated team who can talk to you about loss of entitlement from retirement, redundancy, discharge, or estrangement.
Email: [email protected]
Find out more about the Loss of Entitlement Team on the GOV.UK website.
Here on the RBL Knowledge Base, we have put together a list of guidance to support those who are going through a separation and living in Service Family Accommodation. It includes support for those who are currently serving, those who are not service personnel, and how you can have your children stay with you if you are separated.
Read guidance on service accommodation and relationship breakdown here on the RBL Knowledge Base.
Alternative accommodation
In case of a housing emergency, call the Shelter emergency helpline on 08081 644 660.
If you are at risk of becoming homeless, call the Shelter helpline on 08088 004 444.
If you or the partner that you are separating from are currently serving in the Armed Forces and you need to find alternative accommodation the Ministry of Defence (MOD) has guidance available to support you.
Read the MOD guidance on alternative housing for service families on the GOV.UK website.
Homelessness
You do not need to be literally roofless to be considered homeless by a council. Eligibility for support can include living in unsafe housing or ‘sofa surfing’.
Applying for council/social housing
If you think that after your separation you may need to find new accommodation council housing, also known as social housing, may be an option.
If you decide to apply for council housing, you may need to apply through local councils. You will be able to find out more about areas, their eligibility criteria and how to apply using the links below.
Housing Benefit
Your separation may leave you with unmanageable financial outgoings, especially if you have children. Housing Benefits may be able to support you to pay for all, or part of your rent.
Find out more about Housing Benefits including eligibility criteria on the GOV.UK website.
Citizens Advice have a handy guide to help you check if you are eligible for Housing Benefits.
Use the Citizens Advice guide to work out if you are eligible for Housing Benefits.
If you have children and are struggling with your finances, we have guidance available on the RBL website which may be able to help you.
Financial, employment and support with children
Pensions
When you are part of the Armed Forces Community and separating from a spouse or civil partner the Pension is the biggest asset to discuss. This should be settled before the divorce or dissolution of a partnership is finalised. The Ministry of Defence (MOD) has guidance available to support you through this process.
Learn more about Armed Forces pensions and separation on the GOV.UK website.
Supporting children
During and after a separation you may find that your ability to support your children changes.
Making arrangements for your children
When separating or divorcing a partner whom you have children with you will need to decide on certain arrangements. These will include:
- where your children will live
- how much time they'll spend with each parent, and
- how you'll financially support your children.
If you can come to an agreement about these, you can often avoid going to court hearings.
Find out more about making arrangements for your children on GOV.UK.
Citizens Advice has guidance available for making arrangements, including what to do if your partner is being aggressive.
Read the Citizens Advice guidance on making arrangements for your children.
Child Maintenance
This payment provides regular, reliable support towards a child’s everyday living costs when one of the parents does not live with the child. It is a financial arrangement between you and the other parent of your child.
Learn more about Child Maintenance on the GOV.UK website.
Financial support
During a separation or divorce your change in situation may mean that your incoming and outgoing finances are unbalanced.
If you are worried about how your finances may affect your children we have created a list of guidance to support you. The guide includes information about supporting childcare costs, maternity and paternity leave/pay and saving for your children.
Read our guidance on children and your finances on the RBL website.
If you have young children you may be eligible for food vouchers to support your finances. The schemes can help you purchase basic foods such as milk and vegetables.
Learn more about the Healthy Start and Best Start schemes here on the RBL website.
If your children are in education, the Royal British Legion (RBL) Women’s Section grants and scholarship schemes may be able to provide funding to support them.
- The Children’s Welfare Scheme can provide a grant towards the cost of essential items required.
- The President’s Award Scheme can provide education or accommodation support through grants and scholarships.
Childcare
You may be eligible for support with childcare during and/or after your separation. There is advice available to you on GOV.UK including a calculator to help you figure out how much you may be entitled to.
Use the GOV.UK childcare calculator to find out how much support you may be entitled to.
Education support
During or after your separation your children may need additional support with their education.
Service children face challenges that most civilian children do not. From frequent home and school moves to regular periods of separation from their serving parent or parents.
The Families Federations of the services have guidance available on many topics including schools, education overseas and further/higher education.
Learn more about education support available for children from:
We have created a guide on the Knowledge Base to help you find what support is available and what you may be eligible for.
The Royal British Legion (RBL) Women’s Section grants and scholarship schemes provide funding to support children in education.
The Children’s Welfare Scheme can provide a grant towards the cost of essential items required.
The President’s Award Scheme can provide education or accommodation support through grants and scholarships.
Employment
Your divorce or separation may cause a change in circumstances which means you need to change careers or start a new one.
We host guidance to support you in joining your chosen career path, from information about grants programmes to starting your own business.
- Find out more about education and training support available to the Armed Forces Community, including partners and ex-partners.
- Read about employment support for those living with a disability or medical condition on the RBL Knowledge Base website.
- Learn more about support for those who are returning to work after a gap in their employment.
If you are thinking about becoming self-employed or starting your own business, we have guidance available to support your career journey.
Financial support
During a separation, your circumstances may change and leave you in a less financially stable position. Whether this is a temporary crisis, or you need more support at home, we may be able to support you.
Read more about accessing financial help on the RBL Knowledge Base website.
The Benefits, Debt and Money Advice (BDMA) service
Our BDMA service provides free, confidential advice to people in the Armed Forces Community. The service can support those who may need advice about benefits, appeal a benefits decision or support with unmanageable debt.
The Royal British Legion Grants Service
Our grants service supports the Armed Forces community through times of crisis, with mobility requirements, employment, education and more.
Learn more about the grants programmes offered by the Royal British Legion here on our website.
To find out more about the support the RBL could offer you, contact us via
Telephone overseas: +44 (0)20 3376 8080
Calls are free from UK landlines and main mobile networks
Email: [email protected]
